Cole Vintage love

I've always loved going around The Ramp and checking out new and trendy items. There's Pink Manila, Pill, Anthology and there's Cole Vintage. Earlier this year, I instantly fell in love with the Palau heels and bought it right away. I would wear it with a plain v-neck shirt, skinny jeans and lots of accessories. I've fallen in love with Cole Vintage ever since and I would check it out regularly. I would usually buy flats which are perfect for school. I'm glad that Cole Vintage and Kookie Buhain of Deathbyplatforms (I've been following her on Lookbook since late last year) are giving away P2,500 worth of gift certificate and a pair of taupe rose flats! :)

Check out this page for more details! :)

Jaded

Changes.
Expectations.
Accusations and denials.
Twists and turns.
Look at us.
What have we become?
Broken.
Bruised.

Wanderlust

Kianne, Francis, Ben, Asher, Jose, Jay, Hanah, me

You know those few minutes before you go to sleep? That moment where random thoughts run through your mind? The room is silent but your mind is loud. It's either the good kind wherein you think about things you've successfully done. What you have. Your dreams and your goals. More often than not, you'll end up with a smile on your face then off you go to dreamland. On the other hand, there's also the not-so-good kind wherein troubles, mistakes, regrets and failures enter your mind. Next thing you know, tears are streaming down your face and then you cry yourself to sleep.

Last night, I had that moment (I usually do) and thank God it was the good kind. After spending almost the whole day with friends whom I missed the most, there was nothing I can do but be grateful. Quick little scenes of wandering around toy stores, eating good food, catching up and having a good laugh flashed through my mind and instantly etched a smile on my face. It made me think that I might have done something really good to deserve friends like them. And when I clicked my iPod's next button, Jack Johnson's Better Together played. Yes, it's always better when we, guys, are together.

Drift away

When the 2nd semester ended, I promised myself that summer 2010 would be awesome and legendary. I had a list of things to do for summer but sadly, summer classes have been eating up a lot of my time. For the past two weeks, I've been waking up earlier than usual, attend class, meet up with my co-applicants, go home, do more school shit and rest. For the past two weeks, I've been doing this routine every single day. Well, except for Saturday and Sunday since there are no classes on weekends. Honestly, there came a point when I got tired of doing the same old thing over and over again. I wanted to do something new. Take a break and breath fresh air.

I'm thankful that I got my wish granted yesterday. Together with my co-applicants and our buddies, we went around the acad oval and had afternoon snack at UP Technohub. The heat was killing us so we decided to have halo-halo at Razon's. It's great to get to know new people, share them your personal experiences and laugh at everyone's randomness. After that, I went home just to take a bath and then went straight at Tomas Morato for a dinner date with my brother and my high school friends. Pizza, pasta, laughters and catching up definitely made our nights. We reached home at midnight and I didn't bother opening my book.

Sometimes, same old things tend to be exhausting and satiation.

Once in a while, it's good to try new things and go out of the box.

Here's To a Brighter Future

“Marunong ba kayong magbasa?”, Loreen asked the children as we were in one big circle. “Hindi po!”, they all said out loud and in that moment, my heart broke into pieces.

My CWTS group mates and I had a storytelling for children in UP two weeks ago. We prepared food for them and brought them to an empty lot near the Church of the Holy Sacrifice. We formed a big circle, held hands and sat down. They were all thin, their skins were burnt by the sun, they had a lot of wounds and scars of poverty, they could not read but they were all wearing smiles of playfulness and ignorance. We read 3 stories for them and fed them after. When the sun was about to set, we called it a day.

As I was walking toward the jeepney stop, I got to talk to some of the children and got to know them better. I was struck by the story of Kim, the little girl who looked like a boy. Her hair was very short but she was wearing a tank top with Snow White's face printed on it, floral shorts and nothing on her feet. Her feet were already black because of the grease and filth of the streets. She was holding a small green plastic bag with biscuits, crackers and duhat in it. I asked her what’s inside the plastic bag and she replied, “Ibibigay ko ito kay Papa e.” When I asked her if she bought it, she said no and told me that various people gave it to her. As we were nearing the jeepney stop, I asked them if they could still remember my name. Hearing them say “Ate Mela!” out loud instantly touched my heart. As I was on my way home, I couldn’t help but smile because of a very fulfilling and priceless afternoon.

When I reached home, I turned the TV on and watched the news. Crimes. Accidents. Corruption. Deaths. Violence. Poverty. This is the Philippines. This is reality.

Presidential candidates take center stage and stab each other as they race up to the top. There is advertising king Manny Villar, who says that he has tried swimming in trash and experienced spending Christmas in the streets. He’s allegedly been buying votes as he was caught giving each child an orange peso bill. There’s former MMDA chairperson Bayani Fernando’s running mate, Dick Gordon who says he’s awake 24/7 to respond to the needs of the people. They call their duo The Transformers since they claim to transform the society for the better. There’s the green-coated lady Jamby Madrigal who gives away bead bracelets with her a photo of her face in it. “The use of actors—you had to pay P30 million to endorse you—is an insult to the Filipino intelligence,” she says yet she was endorsed by actress Judy Ann Santos when she was running for Senate. There’s former President Joseph Estrada who insists that PGMA isn’t eligible to run for Congress and says that Villar’s a copycat for using the color orange. In his campaign ad, he says with great confidence that the Philippines progressed outstandingly during his term. There’s Gibo Teodoro who gets the votes of people because of his exceptional intelligence and loses the votes at the same time because he is under the administration. Lastly, there’s Ninoy Aquino, the hero and former President’s son and the sister of the Queen of All Media. His campaign ad where Regine Velasquez was singing and big stars were all wearing yellow received a lot of comments. In his latest ad, he promises and says, “Hindi ako mangungurakot.”

We’re left with barely 2 months to think about on who to choose and elect as president. The challenge is on us to vote wisely and let our voices be heard. Let us not be blind with the things around us. We should stand up and be involved since this is our country after all. If we would open our eyes and be aware, we would fully understand our duties as Filipinos. We see the dead keep dying, the poor remain poor and advertisements, radios and loudspeakers are bombarded with countless of promises. Promises of change and progress. Promises of loyalty and honesty. Sadly, when they are already in power, they forget their promises. Promises just come and go.

As I write this, there’s still hope in my heart that our country could still stand up and step forward. One day, I know that things will be better and the next time I’ll see these children, they’re already in their uniforms, they already know how to read and they’re still smiling. I know that day would come and I pray that it would be soon because these children deserve a brighter future.

Half alive

My blog has been on hiatus since I-don't-exactly-know-when. I've been too busy in school that I no longer have time to relax, think deep and type it here. There's still two more weeks until I finally say hello to summer. School requirements have been piling up and I'm glad that I'm able to finish things one step at a time. There's still a handful of things to do but I'm keeping my hopes high that I'll survive the coming weeks. I still have a report for tomorrow, 2 exams, a mind map and a lot of reflection papers. Well, I think I better go back and keep myself busy. Still have loads of things to do! I will be back.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

If there's one thing that I badly need right now, it's time for myself. Time to think, to reflect and be alone. The Calatagan trip last weekend served as a stress reliever and great escape. Imagine the vast sky with infinite stars, the cold breeze that made us shiver, the waves rushing to meet the sand and the deafening silence. Gah. Very relaxing.

Monday came and I had to go back to reality. My close friend backed out and withdrew her candidacy. And there I was, devastated and half-hearted. The past few days, I've been going home so late and stressed out. I was having a strong feeling that I'll eventually burst and breakdown anytime soon. Last night, I felt all the stress sinking in and that's when I suddenly felt tears running down. I could no longer afford going home really late, spend almost the whole day campaigning and let my studies suffer. Again, I saw myself as the helpless little girl with nothing left to do but to breakdown and cry. All of the uncertainties and apprehensions flashed right before me.

A part of me badly wants to give up. I could no longer take all this stress! Nobody said it would be this hard. Can somebody take me back to the start?

Such great heights.

There comes a point in your life when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious… a grown up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

-- Meredith Grey

There are days when I wish I could stick to this carefree and playful life forever. However, there are days when I wish I were strong and brave enough to accept responsibilities and tasks. I guess this pile of apprehensions in my mind is due to my fear of failure and rejection, which I think most of us have. It makes me want to stay in the gray side always and master the skill of playing safe. Gah, I wish I have enough courage to face this world.

Game of love.

This week, aside from being in the mall for 4 consecutive days, Paramore's The Only Exception has been on loop. I've already heard of it even before but last Monday, I just fell in love with it. My eyes were already closed; the cold wind from the air-conditioning unit was brushing through my cheeks and my iPod's Quiet Storm playlist was playing. Boyz II Men, Mayer Hawthorne and Bon Iver serenaded me and then Hayley Williams' came in next. My mind was clear and relaxed; every word registered vividly. Being the emotional girl that I am, I was touched and was already on the verge of tears. You may find it weird but whatever, I have always find comfort in crying. And the song is just so nice!

I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, you are the only exception

This week, 4 people asked me why I still don't have a boyfriend and they all left me flabbergasted. I honestly don't find something wrong with my independence and I'm quite used to it, actually. Oh, the joys of not having to worry about someone and adjust plans for that person. Plus, I'm spared from all the drama. Late last year, some of my friends told me that they remind me of Summer from (500) Days Of Summer because they think that I don't believe in love. I disagree. Really. I'm not cynical, thank you. And actually, if there's one thing I'm afraid of, it's forgetting how it feels like to love and to be loved.

One day, I know I'll wake up and at that time, I'll realize that I would want to settle down. Not the marriage, paying endless bills, have lovely children and have a family kind of way yet. But one day, I'll wake up and would finally want to get involved - romantically. I have always admitted how alluring it is to have someone you could send "Good morning, I love you." messages to, someone who'll drive you home, kiss you goodnight or simply someone you could share your day with. Love is such a big word and yes, I believe in it. It’s just that I'm just taking my time 'cos love comes when you're ready to embrace it for all it's worth. The right person will come at the right time and at the right reason and I swear, it’s gonna be awesome. Someday, I know I'll get to dedicate The Only Exception to someone but for now, I'll enjoy the happiness in this freedom.

I miss you quite terribly.

They say you’ll never know what you got until it’s gone. Tonight, I‘ve come to realize that that statement is so damn true.

I remember vividly that it was dinner time when my parents told me that I’ll be going to college in UPLB. I was in a total state of shock and instantly, tears fell down my face. I didn’t want to move away from home and I had a lot of fears and apprehensions running through my mind. However, I didn’t want to be a failure to them so I was left with no other choice but to study in UPLB.

College was all about freedom and independence. In my case, it was independence in its purest form. I had to pack my things, leave home and enter a completely different world all by myself.

My first week was filled with tears, depression and wishful thinking. This was evident in my school ID where my eyes were swollen and my smile was as sarcastic as it can get. I wasn’t used to sleeping alone, eating alone and even walking alone. I badly wanted to go back. To go back to the place I call home – real home. I can never forget how happy I was when my parents fetched me and I could finally see city lights and Manila chaos. The feeling was remarkable. Surreal but nice.

Countless of times, I prayed that I could leave UPLB and transfer to Diliman the following year. Time passed by so rapidly and the next thing I knew, I was saying goodbye to the place which my best friend used to call hell hole.

So why am I writing this? Why now?

It’s just that the past few days, I’ve been missing UPLB badly. I miss Westbrook despite the steep pathway and security issues. I miss my dorm room and my roommate even though she used to be away so often. I miss watching TV Patrol at the Westbrook cafeteria with Joyce, Hanah and Kianne. I miss our never-ending stories, gossips and simply them as the inseparable trio. I miss DevCom, my blockmates and the very homey environment in the college. Almost everyone knew each other and treated each one as family. I miss my Math11 buddies and how we chatted with each other and ignored Ma’am Doray’s lectures ‘cos we were too busy making fun of her fashion sense. I miss walking with Asher, Jayjay, Vladz, Judith, Kayla, Janna, Mike and Gabby after our Math class. I miss how much Danica and I despised our bellydancing class and our demanding professor. I miss Red Room lunches after Econ11 with Mike, Janna and Gabby. I miss Westbrook dinners with Nins and Elie. I miss going to the St. Therese Chapel every Thursday to hear mass and where I’d usually bump into Jayjay, Pam, Pat and Vane. I miss staying in for the weekend just to prepare and study with Jayjay, Vladz and Asher for the Math midterm exam. I miss seeing Jose and his weirdness which is in a cool kind of way. I miss going to Raymundo with my Diwatas every Monday afternoon to eat fish balls filled with e-coli. Haha. I miss playing TapTap2 in Francis’ iTouch and him walking me home while we’re singing She Will Be Loved out loud. I miss Asher’s apartment which served as my second home in LB. I miss the people, the place, everything. I miss you quite terribly, UP Los Banos.

As I end this note, a sad smile is etched into my face. I feel like I've taken that year for granted. I let everything pass by in front of me in just a blink of an eye. I wasn't able to cherish and savor the moment. I may no longer be in UPLB but the memories will forever be in my heart. I didn’t just learn to commute and to cross the street but I was able to call myself independent. Not everyone gets the chance to stay in a dorm, live alone and experience total freedom. Not everyone gets the chance to meet people who will change their life forever. I'm proud to say that I'm one of those people who got those chances. To this, I’ll always be grateful. UPLB, I hope to see you real soon!

Wish us luck.

Although a lot of people have been telling me how much they admire me for my patience, I'd like to believe that I am an impatient person. Sure, I don't mind waiting for a couple of minutes and I'm willing to handle annoying little kids. But given the fact that I am a rational human being, my patience could only reach up to a certain limit.

I was never a fan of group works but I am not an introvert, thank you. I just hate it because there's a big chance that only two people will work on the job of six people. What's worse is when no one initiates to start on the work and the next thing you know, you're days away from the deadline. One brave soul makes the first move and then boom, he automatically gets all the workload. Group works could really get messy and stressful. I'd rather work on an individual project wherein you get to do things whenever and wherever you want. You won't need to worry about inconsiderate group mates and cramming at its finest. Well, the latter's an unavoidable and natural thing. Ha ha. But still, you're assured that you'll get the job done.

Obviously, group works and all its cons have been bothering and stressing me out the past few days. Our group's assigned to report immediately when classes resume and we're not yet ready for it. I guess we need a one big good luck hug.

Square one.

I've always loved New Year's since it brings lots of positivity and hope. 2009 was generally an awful year for the country since there was Ondoy, Peping and the Maguindanao Massacre. But personally, the past year was so-so, okay, average, fair and alright. Nothing really remarkable happened excpet for the Diliman transfer and the big 18th.

Last night, we celebrated New Year's Eve here at home. Like the usual, we had booze, food and loud music to hype ourselves up. Maniego relatives joined us and made the event more exciting! While waiting for the clock to strike 12am, I was busy greeting and texting some friends. I could never thank them enough for keeping me sane. And events like New Year's give me the opportunity to express how grateful I am for having them.

Aside from finally being able to use my Moleskine planner, I love New Year's 'cos it unintentionally gives me hope and the mindset that 2010 will be legendary and awesome. I actually don't know what to expect but I'm wishing it'll be a good one for everyone.

2010, please be mine.